Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Top Five LASA Teachers Who Should Have a Movie Made About Them

I am coming off my five day hiatus with the intention to wow the crowd with a fabulous list. I have had some trouble trying to think of something worthy of writing about, however it came to me just a few minutes ago that I should list something concerning school as seeing that it is just around the corner for most of us. I have pondered many options from Top Five Subjects to Top Five School Supplies. Now, as worthy as I believe the pencil to be, I have decided write on something more personal. That is why I am proud to present the Top Five LASA Teachers Who Should Have a Movie Made About Them (and who shoud play them).

5. Neil Loewenstern. Genre: Musical- Mr. Loewenstern, who I was very fortunate enough to have as my Forum teacher for two years, is an extremely cool person. Now some of you may be asking: Why on Earth would you make a musical about a guy as chill as Loewenstern? In response I have to point out that Mr. Loewenstern has done so many awesome things in his life that it lines up for a perfect Musical Movie. If you want to challenge me on that, just step right up and I will improvise a song for him on the spot (seriously). Who gets to play him? Since he obviously needs to be someone with a beard, I choose none other than the acclaimed actor/"rapper": Joaquin Phoenix

4. Brad Sharp. Genre: Dark Comedy- Now the only reason I'm making this one a Dark Comedy is because it needs to be comedic but not over top. Mr. Sharp: Witty, Wine Aficionado, and (according to Jes Martinez) "one evil dude". Its hard to imagine what the plot for this odd movie would be, but I have decided that the title must be captivating. Hence I'm torn between Sharp Wars: Revenge of the Fifth (Period) or Sharp Attack 3: Megalodon. Now as to how a giant shark shall be incorporated into the life of a English teacher, that remains a mystery. Nevertheless one thing that I do know is that Jason Schwartzman is a prime choice for this didactic film. Anyone who saw Schwartzman at the Scott Pilgrim premier at this year's Comic Con (me not being one of them) would agree that with that mustache, it is hard to find a better candidate.

3. Byron Browne. Genre: Neo Noir- I honestly believe that any movie documenting the life of Mr. Browne could easily receive an oscar nod. Ideally, I would love to see Alfred Hitchcock direct this film, but as seeing that there is the issue that he is dead, Christopher Nolan comes in at a close second. This "colorful" Latin teacher has been the highlight of students careers for ages. His sardonic attitude to the world, mixed with a new age mystery that unwinds into a confusing finish, has the potential to captivate audiences around the nation. The actor choice is an obvious Hugh Laurie which, for anyone who has ever known Mr. Browne, requires little explanation.

2. George "Rick" Odum. Genre: Action- Any person who has stapled someone in the forehead during a high school passing period is worthy of recognition. Mr. Odum, who has entertained us with hours of hilarious and bad ass stories, is such a person.* . If you have never heard the one about the epic chick fight in a Houston Mall resulting in teeth loss, I would highly recommend it. Even though physically speaking, their only similarity is the bald head, I speak from the heart in saying that if any actor could pull off playing Mr. Odum successfully, it would be Samuel L. Jackson. Not forgetting to mention that I also find this match-up hilarious.

1. Maricruz Aguayo-Tabor. Genre: Feel Good Movie- The plot is laid out perfectly for this stellar teacher's biographical film. Begining with her childhood in West Texas and ending with the acceptance of the $25,000 Milken National Educator Award she received last October, this film would cover the life of an absolutely extraordinary educator. Since she knows and is good at practically everything, who better to pay Mrs. Aguayo other than Mrs. Aguayo herself. And, on top of everything else, since she had a picture on the web (thank you Austin-American Statesman), I did not have to go out of my way to scan one out of the year book. So in that case, I consider it a double win.

So, there we go, and who knows, maybe there will one day be a crossover film: Megasharp vs. Giant Odumpus

*(Note: Odum did this act as a student years ago, and told us this story years later as a responsible adult teacher so please don't sue me for false accusation)

Also Considered: Tom Spurgeon (Tommy Lee Jones), Rene Sanchez (Antonio Banderas)


  1. Nice. It should be noted though that I actually did the stapling as a result of a punk's poor decision to disparage my sister's virtue.